​Everything You Need to Know to Start Swinging

If you’re interested in swinging, one of the first things that you need to ask yourself (and your partner) is why. Have you always been interested in swinging or is it something new that you are considering? Why now?

The Ultimate Swinger Guide

There are many reasons why you may want to start swinging with your partner, but not all of them are good ones. If you are in an emotionally healthy relationship, but are feeling unsatisfied sexually, then this is something that should be discussed openly as a couple, and this could lead to you both exploring swinging. If your relationship has been difficult emotionally, swinging isn’t going to solve it. In fact, if your relationship is already on the rocks, deciding to swap partners or engage in other non-monogamous activity might signal the end.

Communication with your partner is the most important aspect of swinging. Without an open and frank discussion, neither of you are likely to get what you want out of the experience. If you do have a swinging experience, you need to be able to talk about it with your partner afterwards, what you liked, didn’t, and what you want in the future.

Swinging Isn’t the Only Type of Non-Monogamy

Swinging may be what people are most familiar with when they think about non-monogamy, but it isn’t the only option out there. Swinging is for both single girls and single men or couples but is most commonly seen as an activity for committed partners. Couples who swing are essentially giving permission for their other-halves to have a sexual relationship with someone else, and in the past, it has also been called husband or wife swapping. Couples who swing tend to do so together, and it is very rare for one part of a couple to go swinging on their own. The main difference between swinging and other types of non-monogamy is that swinging is entirely sexual in nature. There are no romantic feelings involved, and couples who swing stay committed to their original partner. Swinging has several forms and do not always involve full penetration. In fact, there are many different types of swinging.

Open Relationship

An open-relationship is where couples agree to explore their sexual side outside of their primary relationship. This may mean adding either one person or a couple to the bedroom or exploring other sexual relationships without your partner. These relationships are always secondary to the one you have with your main partner and are conducted with your partners full consent. The relationships themselves have many forms, however the main rule is that can have only one primary relationship, and many secondary ones. If your partner is unhappy with any of your secondary relationships, you shouldn’t continue with that person. As always, communication is key.

Polyamory

Polyamory is where you and your partner are not only free to sleep with other people, but you are free to have an emotional relationship with them as well. There are rules that couples follow when pursuing this, for example, many require for both halves of the couple to meet and approve of a new partner. This works well for some who are bi-sexual, as both partners can engage in both a sexual and emotional relationship with the new person – essentially becoming a partnership of three. With polyamory, trust is even more important, and you must be 100% certain neither of you are going to get jealous of the other spending intimate time alone with another person.

Of course, there are even more types and sub-types of non-monogamy, with something that will suit everyone’s romantic and sexual needs.

What to Do If You Are Interested in Non-Monogamy

If you and your partner have decided that non-monogamy is something that you may be interested in, there are a few things that you can explore and discuss before you go ahead and join a club or search for extra partners. Make sure the reasons that you want to swing outweigh any issues that you have against the idea.

Discuss Your Fantasies

Once you know what has led you to explore the idea of swinging, you should discuss your fantasies with your partner so that they can have a better understanding of exactly what it is that you want. Have you always wanted a threesome? Or to be watched by your partner while you perform sexual acts on someone else? Maybe you just want to go and watch what is going on. Be honest and encourage them to share their fantasies as well. They might surprise you!

Enjoy Porn Together

Why would you do this? If you don’t already, it can put you in a situation where you are watching other people having sex, without actually being in the same room as them. It can test out whether there are any jealousies in the relationship, and help you explore potential fantasies. Not only this, but it could improve the sex life between you and your partner, leading you to explore new things, new positions and maybe even investing in some sex toys. This can help you decide once and for all if swinging is something that you want to explore.

Remember You’re A Team

Both of you need to be 100% on the same page, and this can mean compromise. Remember, if your partner isn’t happy with you doing a certain activity, such as kissing, as it can seem too intimate, you need to respect that.  Before engaging in swinging activities, there are questions that you should ask each other. The main idea of swinging is that partners arrive together and leave together.

You Want to Start Swinging, Now What?

The decision to try out swinging for yourself is a big one, but for many couples it is one that brings new excitement and adventure into their lives. Swinging leaves you free to explore everything you’ve ever wanted to with your trusted partner by your side, supporting you the whole way, and having a little bit of action themselves! When you are in a healthy and loving relationship, swinging will only serve to add to the trust and the love that you have for each other and is something that you can share together that is intimate and fulfilling. How to start swinging in a marriage is a question that many people ask. As with anything new, there are a few things to consider before you embark upon your journey.

Set Your Limits

As we’ve already mentioned, you both need to be on the same page. Know your boundaries and negotiate beforehand. When you go to a swinging club, keep to the rules that you’ve set previously. Remember, these can always be renegotiated, but it’s best not to try and do this in the heat of the moment. If, however you are uncomfortable at any stage, let your partner know. It’s ok to get cold feet and leave at any time of the evening, but just remember the same goes for your partner as well. If one of you wants to leave, both of you need to leave.

Types of Rules You Need to Decide On

• Is kissing allowed?
• Is oral allowed?
• Is full penetration allowed?
• Do you have to always be in the same room together?
• Are you looking for a straight swap or are you looking for a threesome/foursome?
• Will you allow other people to watch or will you have a closed door policy?

The difference between an open door and a door only cracked open is important, as is a soft swap and a full swap. Make sure you and your partner know what all of this relates to. Have a set of rules for each other and if you are in a club always abide by the rules of the establishment. 

And remember, always have a safe word or signal to let each other know if you are uncomfortable with the situation.

Don’t Go It Alone

This brings me to my next point. Don’t go swinging alone. If you decide that swinging is for you, then this is something that both you and your partner need to enjoy, it’s not an excuse for one of you to go exploring while leaving the other at home. There are a range of different types of non-monogamous relationships where one of you swinging is acceptable, but unless you have explicit permission to go it alone, don’t. Obviously, it is different if you are a single female (you’ll be what is known as a unicorn). Even then, it’s a good idea to bring a buddy with you so that you can look out for each other. For single males, it is harder, however many clubs now have special nights where single males can join. So long as you are respectful, well dressed, and a member of the club, you won’t run in to any problems.

If you’re looking for a straight couple swap, and one of you is interested but the other isn’t, don’t do it. It’s not fair for your partner to be stuck doing things with someone they don’t want to just because you find someone attractive.

Health/protection

When you have multiple partners, the chance of catching a sexually transmitted disease is much higher. For most swingers, using condoms is the golden rule, and going without isn’t even considered. For oral, it’s usually decided at the time, but general cleanliness is very important. Whether you are joining a swinger’s club or meeting someone through the internet, refusal to use protection is always a red flag. You and your partner will also need to decide together whether a condom needs to be used during oral. ​

How Exactly Do You Start Swinging?

So, you’ve decided that you want to give swinging a go. You’ve talked about what is and isn’t allowed, and what you might be looking for. But now what? How, exactly, do you get involved in the swinging scene? Well, there are several different ways, and it all depends on your preferences.

Online

Swinging sites are everywhere, and there is a wealth of options that you and your partner can sign up to together. You will need to decide if you both have access to the profile and can reply to messages, or only one of you. Maybe you will decide that you can only look at it together. This is a great way to begin to interact with the swinging community, and to test the waters to see if you actually want to take the plunge and meet others. If a club or a large group meet-up isn’t for you, you can meet either a single person or another couple online to begin your journey with. When you meet with someone, make sure it is in a public place. You won’t be going straight to the bedroom! Have dinner with them and see if you are both as attracted to each other as you thought. It’s like a first date in that way.

Meet & Greets without play

In some countries or regions you can find "meet & greets" for swingers. They can be held in normal bars or clubs. The goal of those meetings are to meet other swingers in a neutral setting without play and pressure. In Belgium you can find those meetings under the name "Visu" often organized by the swinger site Belswing. In Luxembourg we call them "Sin Drink". Those soft meetings are a great start for beginners, but you can also find experienced swingers who are looking for dates.

Clubs or Parties

Many people decide to go to a club that is a little further away from home, so that they have less chance of meeting someone that they know. Look for a club that only allows members that pass certain criteria, there may even be a fee to go to one of these events. This ensures that only people who are interested in swinging will be there, and you are likely to be able to find more experienced swingers that can help guide you through your first experience. Condoms are usually available for free in clubs, with different rooms for couples or groups to disappear off to. They are not always in a traditional club setting either but can happen in someone’s house or even a hotel. 

At all swingers’ events, no means no. Consent is key, and no one will touch you without it. Contrary to popular belief, a swinger’s party isn’t just a huge orgy, but a place of respect for women and men who want to explore their sexuality. 

Meetups such as this can be a little be daunting to first timers, however there is never any pressure for you to join in when it is your first appearance, watching is perfectly acceptable. Remember, just watching every time you go won’t win you any friends, and you will have to join in at some stage if you want to remain a member of the club. At the same time, don’t expect a swinger’s club to be full of models. The people there will come in all different shapes and sizes but ultimately, they will be just the same as you, so don’t compare yourself to anyone else that you see there.

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Swinging isn’t for everyone. But those who are interested should be free to explore the lifestyle in the way that best suits them and their partner. Swinging can be a very fulfilling activity, in more ways than one! Of course, safety is the most important thing, but you will find the swinging community to be very open, and many clubs have informal sessions where members meet up just to chat. If you are interested in the swinging lifestyle, follow the guide set out here, and remember, communication with your partner is the most important part of all.