Swinging Guidelines
Swinging can be lots of fun, but because it involves sex and because people are weird about sex sometimes, it helps to have a basic idea of expected etiquette when it comes to swinging.
"Rules" vary among different groups of swingers, but in general, you can expect these guidelines to keep you out of trouble.
Punctuality
Arriving at the correct time applies here as well. Turning up late at a party is a turn-off. By the time you’re in, the night would be in full swing. You’d only end up making people who are already in the act feel awkward. You won’t know where to fit in too. Inform the host beforehand if you are going to be late. Or you may not be invited again.
Courtesy
The lifestyle of the swingers isn’t a piece of cake. Sometimes it is complex and complicated with lots of insecurities and uncertainties. Courtesy is the key to ease up. Behave with people just like you would like them to behave towards you. Be sensible, thoughtful and understanding.
"No" means "no".
This one is universal, and if you're playing somewhere where this isn't true, you're not swinging. It doesn't matter what's going on, or who's involved. If anybody involved gets uncomfortable, experiences discomfort or pain, or decides it isn't right and says "no", it's generally expected that everyone involved in a swap will stop what they're doing, at least temporarily. If you proposition a couple and anyone says "no," that's the end of it. The same goes for propositions you reject. Without this "rule" (and really, this is the only really steadfast rule in this whole pile), swinging wouldn't be the safe, fun activity that it is.
Don’t be Pushy
Invite someone you’re interested in, in a clean manner and leave the decision-making to them. Don’t ask them for reasons or explanations, even if it’s your partner. Don’t carry on your sweet talking to convince someone if they’ve declined. You’d only drive a nail through your relationship. Don’t overindulge in alcohol. Don’t take someone who isn’t interested and not informed, about the actual course of the night.
Health and Hygiene
Oral hygiene is a basic necessity for everyone. Bad breath or body odor is a big turn-off for your potential partners. Shower and groom well before you leave for the party. Good cologne, perfumes or body sprays will give you the edge in the environment. The best way to enjoy the party is by freshening up as you reach there. If you play with one partner, please wash up before playing with another and also give a wash after a visit to the toilet. Be neat and tidy. When you are done using an area, don't forget to clean up after yourself. Dispose of condoms, wrappers, towels etc and if something happens and is not easy to clean up please inform someone from the staff.
Use Protection
Use whatever protection your partners require of you. This will normally consist of the use of a condom during straight or anal sex, and sometimes during oral sex (though this is rare in swinging circles).
Don't try to pull any tricks, either (like slipping off the condom during the act, hoping she won't notice). Keeping things safe is important.
Drugs & Alcohol
No Drugs. Illegal drugs are not welcome at any swinging environment. Don't get wasted. Excessive drinking is frowned on in the lifestyle and a big no go at clubs. If you do plan on drinking more then make sure you have a sober partner and a safe way home.
Follow the House Rules
If you're supposed to follow a dresscode, please make an effort. Don't smoke anywhere you see a "no smoking" sign, or, really, anyplace you don't see a "smoking area" sign these days. If there's a room set aside for non-sexual activity only, don't start an orgy there. If you drink alcohol (straight, or via spirits and beers), be certain to ask about the house's liquor policies. And don't screw on the dance floor; that's just rude. More about the club rules here.
Know Your Own Limits
You and your partner should know your limits before you leave your home. It's okay to have fickle tastes, but make sure everybody involved understands them, including yourself.
If you don't do anal, say so. If you don't want your partner to be with anyone of a particular sex, make sure s/he understands (and more importantly, agrees) before you leave. If you know the party you're headed to doesn't require the use of condoms for oral sex, but you want to anyway, say so.
Also make sure you actually want to go, and also make sure you have some idea what you want to do when you get there. Nothing is more frustrating than meeting a couple at a swingers club that doesn't know what they want. "We're just curious" and "We don't know" are two of the most irritating phrases to hear when you're half naked and looking for sex in a sex club.
One goes, both go
Come as a couple and leave as one. It is not preferable if one goes while the other lags behind. Always go hand in hand without leaving your partner behind. Swinging is safer and easier if both partners are comfortable indulging in it. It is a team game. Not a solo affair.
Expectations of Privacy
I've already said people are weird, but they're even stranger about this part. Sure, they're at a swingers club and they're swapping partners, but they may still want their privacy. Fortunately, doors make this particular problem easy to solve. Simple rules apply here:
Open/no door - If you don't mind people watching you play, or having people ask to join in, take your group to a room with no door, or to a room with a door, left wide open. An open door is just that -- an invitation to watch or participate. You can always say "no" if someone tries to join your group whom you don't like, and a group can always say "no" if you ask to join but they don't want you to. Still, it's perfectly acceptable here to ask.
Cracked door - If you don't mind people watching you play, but you don't want anyone joining in, leave the door cracked open. This is the universal "look, but don't touch" symbol; you can nudge the door open enough to peek in, but it's expected you won't join in or ask to. On some occasions, if someone peeking in looks interesting, they'll be invited in anyway, but it's expected that you'll leave groups alone and just watch unless explicitly invited.
Closed door - If you don't want any intrusions, keep the door closed entirely. If you're wandering through a club and spot a closed door, leave it that way. Sometimes a door will have a small window in it, and it's okay to peek through this, but otherwise, leave it alone. Don't open the door to peek in, don't knock to invite yourself into their party, etc. If you do, be prepared for a scolding and a stern "no".
Don't be Afraid to Ask
In yet another example of human goofiness, people will get up the nerve to go to a swingers club together, looking for a night of debauchery, but then will forget to actually ask anybody to play with them.
Sure, people say "no" sometimes when you ask them to join you, but occasionally, they say "yes". That's when the real fun begins.
Ask Your Partner for Feedback
Find out what s/he likes before or during the act, not after. Everyone's there to enjoy themselves, and it'll be all that much better if everyone's open and honest about what they like and dislike. If you want to avoid to talk (too much) during a session, you can communicate by body language or determine signs/codes in advance.
Don't Hide in the Corners
Couples sometimes wonder why nobody's talking to them or doing anything sexual with them. Maybe it's because you're sulking in the corner of the dance room, or otherwise keeping to yourselves. It's okay if you don't want to be noticed, but if that's the case, why are you here anyway?
Also check out the different types of swinging here and the club rules here.
"Rules" vary among different groups of swingers, but in general, you can expect these guidelines to keep you out of trouble.
Punctuality
Arriving at the correct time applies here as well. Turning up late at a party is a turn-off. By the time you’re in, the night would be in full swing. You’d only end up making people who are already in the act feel awkward. You won’t know where to fit in too. Inform the host beforehand if you are going to be late. Or you may not be invited again.
Courtesy
The lifestyle of the swingers isn’t a piece of cake. Sometimes it is complex and complicated with lots of insecurities and uncertainties. Courtesy is the key to ease up. Behave with people just like you would like them to behave towards you. Be sensible, thoughtful and understanding.
"No" means "no".
This one is universal, and if you're playing somewhere where this isn't true, you're not swinging. It doesn't matter what's going on, or who's involved. If anybody involved gets uncomfortable, experiences discomfort or pain, or decides it isn't right and says "no", it's generally expected that everyone involved in a swap will stop what they're doing, at least temporarily. If you proposition a couple and anyone says "no," that's the end of it. The same goes for propositions you reject. Without this "rule" (and really, this is the only really steadfast rule in this whole pile), swinging wouldn't be the safe, fun activity that it is.
Don’t be Pushy
Invite someone you’re interested in, in a clean manner and leave the decision-making to them. Don’t ask them for reasons or explanations, even if it’s your partner. Don’t carry on your sweet talking to convince someone if they’ve declined. You’d only drive a nail through your relationship. Don’t overindulge in alcohol. Don’t take someone who isn’t interested and not informed, about the actual course of the night.
Health and Hygiene
Oral hygiene is a basic necessity for everyone. Bad breath or body odor is a big turn-off for your potential partners. Shower and groom well before you leave for the party. Good cologne, perfumes or body sprays will give you the edge in the environment. The best way to enjoy the party is by freshening up as you reach there. If you play with one partner, please wash up before playing with another and also give a wash after a visit to the toilet. Be neat and tidy. When you are done using an area, don't forget to clean up after yourself. Dispose of condoms, wrappers, towels etc and if something happens and is not easy to clean up please inform someone from the staff.
Use Protection
Use whatever protection your partners require of you. This will normally consist of the use of a condom during straight or anal sex, and sometimes during oral sex (though this is rare in swinging circles).
Don't try to pull any tricks, either (like slipping off the condom during the act, hoping she won't notice). Keeping things safe is important.
Drugs & Alcohol
No Drugs. Illegal drugs are not welcome at any swinging environment. Don't get wasted. Excessive drinking is frowned on in the lifestyle and a big no go at clubs. If you do plan on drinking more then make sure you have a sober partner and a safe way home.
Follow the House Rules
If you're supposed to follow a dresscode, please make an effort. Don't smoke anywhere you see a "no smoking" sign, or, really, anyplace you don't see a "smoking area" sign these days. If there's a room set aside for non-sexual activity only, don't start an orgy there. If you drink alcohol (straight, or via spirits and beers), be certain to ask about the house's liquor policies. And don't screw on the dance floor; that's just rude. More about the club rules here.
Know Your Own Limits
You and your partner should know your limits before you leave your home. It's okay to have fickle tastes, but make sure everybody involved understands them, including yourself.
If you don't do anal, say so. If you don't want your partner to be with anyone of a particular sex, make sure s/he understands (and more importantly, agrees) before you leave. If you know the party you're headed to doesn't require the use of condoms for oral sex, but you want to anyway, say so.
Also make sure you actually want to go, and also make sure you have some idea what you want to do when you get there. Nothing is more frustrating than meeting a couple at a swingers club that doesn't know what they want. "We're just curious" and "We don't know" are two of the most irritating phrases to hear when you're half naked and looking for sex in a sex club.
One goes, both go
Come as a couple and leave as one. It is not preferable if one goes while the other lags behind. Always go hand in hand without leaving your partner behind. Swinging is safer and easier if both partners are comfortable indulging in it. It is a team game. Not a solo affair.
Expectations of Privacy
I've already said people are weird, but they're even stranger about this part. Sure, they're at a swingers club and they're swapping partners, but they may still want their privacy. Fortunately, doors make this particular problem easy to solve. Simple rules apply here:
Open/no door - If you don't mind people watching you play, or having people ask to join in, take your group to a room with no door, or to a room with a door, left wide open. An open door is just that -- an invitation to watch or participate. You can always say "no" if someone tries to join your group whom you don't like, and a group can always say "no" if you ask to join but they don't want you to. Still, it's perfectly acceptable here to ask.
Cracked door - If you don't mind people watching you play, but you don't want anyone joining in, leave the door cracked open. This is the universal "look, but don't touch" symbol; you can nudge the door open enough to peek in, but it's expected you won't join in or ask to. On some occasions, if someone peeking in looks interesting, they'll be invited in anyway, but it's expected that you'll leave groups alone and just watch unless explicitly invited.
Closed door - If you don't want any intrusions, keep the door closed entirely. If you're wandering through a club and spot a closed door, leave it that way. Sometimes a door will have a small window in it, and it's okay to peek through this, but otherwise, leave it alone. Don't open the door to peek in, don't knock to invite yourself into their party, etc. If you do, be prepared for a scolding and a stern "no".
Don't be Afraid to Ask
In yet another example of human goofiness, people will get up the nerve to go to a swingers club together, looking for a night of debauchery, but then will forget to actually ask anybody to play with them.
Sure, people say "no" sometimes when you ask them to join you, but occasionally, they say "yes". That's when the real fun begins.
Ask Your Partner for Feedback
Find out what s/he likes before or during the act, not after. Everyone's there to enjoy themselves, and it'll be all that much better if everyone's open and honest about what they like and dislike. If you want to avoid to talk (too much) during a session, you can communicate by body language or determine signs/codes in advance.
Don't Hide in the Corners
Couples sometimes wonder why nobody's talking to them or doing anything sexual with them. Maybe it's because you're sulking in the corner of the dance room, or otherwise keeping to yourselves. It's okay if you don't want to be noticed, but if that's the case, why are you here anyway?
Also check out the different types of swinging here and the club rules here.